Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Dear life.

Dear life,

You've been moving so fast lately and I feel like I can't keep up.  I can barely figure out where I am supposed to be at any particular time, keep track of everything going on at work, see family and friends, and fit in all my marathon training runs.  I feel bad because some of the things that mean so much to me on the personal side -- celebrations and spending time with friends -- are creeping towards starting to stress me out instead of being what it should be, which is wonderful and a joyous events.  But that's okay because I do have a good head on my shoulders and I REFUSE to let that happen.  I am so in love with how much my family is expanding lately with marriages and babies and sometimes I feel like I am just going to erupt with all the emotions that are taking place.  Happiness and excitement and love, that is cut with some guilt and fears and anxiety.

One of the things that has just gotten pushed back in my list of priorities is writing here.  However, that makes me a bit sad because the busy times, are the times when there is the most that I want to record here.  It's a bit of a Catch 22 in that the times that life is slow, is when I have more time to write, yet less to write about.

I've been wanting to write about my trip to Atlanta.  And how my flight was cancelled initially but it turned out okay because I was able to spend an extra day in Albany and see the beautiful and kind and so easy to talk to, ICT, who I haven't seen in months.  However, it also meant I had a day less to apartment search.

And I've wanted to write about how on that trip Atlanta I got so overwhelmed looking for places to live, trying to figure out the logistics of moving, and setting up a new life there. However, it was also one of the healthiest and most active work trips of my life.  My mood did a complete 180 on Sunday evening when I joined the Movers and Pacers running group for a 3 mile run throughout downtown Atlanta.  The group was SO welcoming and kind and encouraging, I met some amazing people and loved joining them for the run.  The next day the team I am joining all went to a yoga class together on Monday evening.  Then Tuesday morning I joined a friend at her gym for a BodyPump class that left me sore for days.  Not to mention the delicious homemade granola bars that some of my coworkers had made for us to all snack on throughout the week.  Delicious!  Access to running groups, great yoga instructors, and gym classes such as BodyPump are some of the reasons I have been wanting to be in a bigger city for the past few years.  There is more access to life-minded people, opportunities to try new things, and it made me reenergized and excited about the move, despite the overwhelming feelings I'd been having.

I want to share about marathon training and how things are starting to get really intense.  I am focusing on just getting the mileage in, and not concerning myself with pace.  However, I have been pleasantly surprised with my pace on a couple of runs.

I've been wanting to post the link to my "Ice Bucket Challenge" video and encourage all of you to donate to something and pay more attention to the world around you.  Although I participated in the challenge, I've been thinking about it a lot and the many points/counter points it raises.  It's important to remember that dumping a bucket of ice water on your head isn't going to make any real change in this world.  But raising awareness for causes that you are passionate about does.  Donating money where it makes sense does.  Being an educated and informed global citizen does.  There has been a lot going on in the news lately that has been catching my attention.  Some is heart breaking.  Some shows progress.  Some makes me scared for the world we live in.  However, nothing will change without action from you and I.  I know it's not usually the topic of this blog, but I wanted to share.

I want to blog about the Crystal Lake sprint triathlon I did this past weekend, totally winging it.  Although I had signed up months ago, I haven't done anything to train for the race.  I rode my bike 8 miles when I was in Provincetown in June, but that is all I have done to actually be on a bike since last August when I did the Duanesburg Sprint Tri.  I also have not swam laps since last August at the last sprint tri!  I have been wanting to tell you that the swim came back to be easily, although I didn't really push myself too hard in it.  And that the run portion felt like a major shock on my legs/muscles at first, but I was totally surprised and happy with my 9:30 pace for the 3-miles since it felt like I was running 12-minute/miles.  And I've been wanting to complain to you guys that OMG the bike portion was BRUTAL!! It had an extra 4-5 miles on it from a normal sprint tri at 18 miles and was SO hilly.  Since I just have a silly hybrid bike I am already at a disadvantage and man, it was hard.  I made the decision that I want to invest in a road bike or tri bike.  This sprint tri was the most challenging of the ones I have done so far and the one that I was least prepared for, but it was also incredibly rewarding.

I had been contemplating not doing it, but I am so glad I did.

Then since last Thursday, I've been really wanting to document the memory of the incredibly overwhelming and wonderful experience I had of having a good friend write a song about me that he performed at an open mic.  I had jokingly said he should write me a song as a going away present, and then was surprised when I heard that he actually was, and then was even more surprised when the song wasn't just something silly and joking but one of the most beautiful and kindest things anyone has ever done for me.  I think I am responsible for 75% of the views on YouTube because I like listening to it over and over (is that vain?) and it was actually stuck in my head for the majority of the sprint tri on Saturday.  It is catchy!  Start the video at 5:00 minutes in to catch the song about me :)

I just more recently wanted to write about how I finally had a breakdown when it comes to moving.  Throughout the past month I haven't really gotten emotional about my move.  I usually cry at all things so the fact that I didn't cry at my surprise party and didn't cry when my friend performed this song, was weird to me.  I knew that it was coming though.

On Sunday night, after spending an incredible day celebrating my sister and her and her husband's growing family (twins!) I finally broke down.  We threw a shower for my sister, which it had meant so much to me to be able to spend time planning and making special for her.  We haven't always been the closest and we butt heads like no other, but she is my only sister, and I would do anything for her.  I drove the 3.5 hours to her town on Sunday AM in time to help set up for the shower and spend a great day there.

I realized at the end of the day that it was the last time I was going to see my sister pregnant.  With my crazy next few months I won't be back in New Hampshire until when I get the phone call that the babies were born and I get the chance to get up there.  There were a lot of tears and some drama as my breakdown didn't come at the best time, or probably present itself in the best fashion.  But I am glad that I finally was able to let out some of the emotion that I knew I was holding in.

And finally, life, I've been wanting to share that in addition to being incredibly overwhelming for me, these past few weeks have been wonderful.  I am so excited for what's to come in the future.  Thanks for always being good to me and for giving me the strength to get through even the hard times.  I know, partly through running, partly through growing up in general and experiencing more, that the hard times shall pass and I am strong enough to carry myself through the bad days.  Especially with the support of those around me, there is nothing that cannot be done.

Thanks for all the good you keep bringing to me life.  You scare me and overwhelm me sometimes, but I truly love the adventures and wonderful people and experiences you keep throwing at me.  I love you, life.


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