So, I'm out here in California traveling and I'm struggling a bit. I totally need to work on some things and am letting my anxiety get the best of me. I think I expected failure in myself, so that is what I is happening. Saturday's run was a high for me. It was also March 1st, which means that my goal of tracking what I ate every single day for a month was over. And since I have let myself go from tracking, I have been overeating a lot.
I had told myself that I didn't need to track through March. I knew that I would be traveling for the majority of the month and that eating out and tracking Weight Watchers points would be really, really hard if not impossible. I have NEVER been able to maintain my diet and be on the road successfully. I had this anxiety leading up to these weeks of travel and I might be just projecting, but it's definitely all coming true. I am eating more than I do when I track, making excuses for it at the time, and then feeling guilty about it later on.
The other change is that I am getting really, really frustrated with is the lack of seeing ANY results from eating gluten free. I have been working so hard at it and not seeing the results I want, in terms of improving the medical problems I've been having that caused me to make this change in the first place. I think that eating gluten free has definitely helped me to stay on track with eating healthy, but I really wanted it to have impact elsewhere -- which it is not at this moment. So, I have started to slack a bit.
Last week I had a few bites of a cookie. This weekend I ate fried wings. Today I had a few bites of bread and ate a BBQ chicken pizza as my meal at a restaurant. So, not good all around.
I am probably being too hard on myself because today I had a pretty good day all around until dinner. I went for a 5-mile run with my coworker I am traveling with this morning, who happens to be a much faster runner than me and pushed my pace to around 9:30/miles this morning. And for breakfast I had egg whites, a banana, and peanut butter, along with some tea, hot chocolate and water. I had salad for lunch and a 2-point bag of Lay's potato chips. For a snack I had a banana and an apple but then went a little lazy when it got to dinner.
I was starving and indulged in appetizers that were delicious such as a bacon covered dates with blue cheese, steak over spinach, cheese stuffed peppers, and meatballs. I then had the majority of a BBQ chicken pizza and a couple of glasses of wine with dinner. Wine increases the amount I eat like crazy, and I just actually saw on Shark Tank the statistic that a diner who drinks a glass of wine before their entree arrives is 77% more likely to order a second glass of wine at dinner. I have to say, that isn't hard to believe! I know I drink (and eat) more when I start drinking before I eat dinner. It might be time to put in some "rules" for this month around eating and drinking.
It's weird, I have this complex when I travel for work that I feel like being a young, female in my predominantly male industry, I need to "fit in" with the guys I work with by eating and drinking like "one of the guys." I don't ever want to be seen as the "girl" of the group, so I try to differentiate myself and "fit in" by drinking beer and eating pizza to be seen on the same level. To some extent, I do think that it works because I have great relationships and the guys I work with trust me and reach out to me and include me in things. But then, after the dinners, I always leave having anxiety because I felt like I ate too much. And in all reality, my relationships with my coworkers could not change whatsoever if I ate salads and drank water when out to eat on work trips. My philosophy could very likely be an elaborate justification I created in my mind to be able to eat pizza and drink beer and feel like I was doing it "for my career."
Over these past couple of years, as I have started traveling more for work, I have tried to find the right balance of enjoying my travel but also eating in a way that makes me feel happy with myself. However, I have never had to find the right balance while also TRAINING FOR A MARATHON. So, fast forward 4 weeks, I could end up more than just unhappy with my weight, but really at a disadvantage for this thing I've been working for the past 4 months!
My new goal for the month of March is to really stay on track maintaining my weight. Not necessarily losing, but maintaining where I am now. And one way I've decided to try that is by doing a different "tracking" program besides Weight Watchers. I know that tons of people, many friends of mine included, have really enjoyed the app My Fitness Pal, so today I downloaded that and will check it out tomorrow!
For now, I am going to head to bed because I am wiped and have a 9-miler in the morning. Happy Tuesday and hope you are having a good week.