Wednesday, March 5, 2014

What to do? A rambling post...

So, I'm out here in California traveling and I'm struggling a bit.  I totally need to work on some things and am letting my anxiety get the best of me.  I think I expected failure in myself, so that is what I is happening.  Saturday's run was a high for me.  It was also March 1st, which means that my goal of tracking what I ate every single day for a month was over.  And since I have let myself go from tracking, I have been overeating a lot.

I had told myself that I didn't need to track through March.  I knew that I would be traveling for the majority of the month and that eating out and tracking Weight Watchers points would be really, really hard if not impossible.  I have NEVER been able to maintain my diet and be on the road successfully.  I had this anxiety leading up to these weeks of travel and I might be just projecting, but it's definitely all coming true.  I am eating more than I do when I track, making excuses for it at the time, and then feeling guilty about it later on.

The other change is that I am getting really, really frustrated with is the lack of seeing ANY results from eating gluten free.  I have been working so hard at it and not seeing the results I want, in terms of improving the medical problems I've been having that caused me to make this change in the first place.  I think that eating gluten free has definitely helped me to stay on track with eating healthy, but I really wanted it to have impact elsewhere -- which it is not at this moment.  So, I have started to slack a bit.

Last week I had a few bites of a cookie.  This weekend I ate fried wings.  Today I had a few bites of bread and ate a BBQ chicken pizza as my meal at a restaurant.  So, not good all around.

I am probably being too hard on myself because today I had a pretty good day all around until dinner.  I went for a 5-mile run with my coworker I am traveling with this morning, who happens to be a much faster runner than me and pushed my pace to around 9:30/miles this morning.  And for breakfast I had egg whites, a banana, and peanut butter, along with some tea, hot chocolate and water.  I had salad for lunch and a 2-point bag of Lay's potato chips.  For a snack I had a banana and an apple but then went a little lazy when it got to dinner.

I was starving and indulged in appetizers that were delicious such as a bacon covered dates with blue cheese, steak over spinach, cheese stuffed peppers, and meatballs.  I then had the majority of a BBQ chicken pizza and a couple of glasses of wine with dinner.  Wine increases the amount I eat like crazy, and I just actually saw on Shark Tank the statistic that a diner who drinks a glass of wine before their entree arrives is 77% more likely to order a second glass of wine at dinner.  I have to say, that isn't hard to believe! I know I drink (and eat) more when I start drinking before I eat dinner.  It might be time to put in some "rules" for this month around eating and drinking.

It's weird, I have this complex when I travel for work that I feel like being a young, female in my predominantly male industry, I need to "fit in" with the guys I work with by eating and drinking like "one of the guys."  I don't ever want to be seen as the "girl" of the group, so I try to differentiate myself and "fit in" by drinking beer and eating pizza to be seen on the same level.  To some extent, I do think that it works because I have great relationships and the guys I work with trust me and reach out to me and include me in things.  But then, after the dinners, I always leave having anxiety because I felt like I ate too much.  And in all reality, my relationships with my coworkers could not change whatsoever if I ate salads and drank water when out to eat on work trips.  My philosophy could very likely be an elaborate justification I created in my mind to be able to eat pizza and drink beer and feel like I was doing it "for my career."

Over these past couple of years, as I have started traveling more for work, I have tried to find the right balance of enjoying my travel but also eating in a way that makes me feel happy with myself.  However, I have never had to find the right balance while also TRAINING FOR A MARATHON.  So, fast forward 4 weeks, I could end up more than just unhappy with my weight, but really at a disadvantage for this thing I've been working for the past 4 months!

My new goal for the month of March is to really stay on track maintaining my weight.  Not necessarily losing, but maintaining where I am now.  And one way I've decided to try that is by doing a different "tracking" program besides Weight Watchers.  I know that tons of people, many friends of mine included, have really enjoyed the app My Fitness Pal, so today I downloaded that and will check it out tomorrow!

For now, I am going to head to bed because I am wiped and have a 9-miler in the morning.  Happy Tuesday and hope you are having a good week.

1 comment:

  1. I use MyFitnessPal and love it. I hope you start to feeling better and more at ease while on travel. Sometimes we just eat, and what I think you should celebrate is how you DID make good choices for many of your other meals. It's easy to focus on what we could do better, but remember to celebrate the good things too. For instance, you didn't let a bad dinner lead to a bad breakfast and to a bad lunch, etc. I like your focus on maintaining this month while you're SO busy with travel. It's really about loving, accepting and being patient with yourself as you're on this lifelong journey. Thanks for blogging, as it helps me as I go about my journey. Hope you're enjoying some good weather!