Saturday, May 3, 2014

I gave up on my run today.

I gave up on my run today.  I feel pretty lame right now.  I feel pretty disappointed in myself.  And it's almost scary how easy it is to give up.  It is scary.  I could really easily just keep giving up.  One run could become a lot of runs.  And I'm trying really hard not to let my mind spiral out of control like that because right now it is just one run.  But I gave up on my run today.

I had wanted to do 10 miles today.  It wasn't a surprise, I was planning this for a while and I had it written on my training plan on my wall of my cubicle at work. It was part of my build up mileage plan leading up to the Tough Mudder at the end of May.  I planned to do a 5-mile out and back run and I didn't feel very good throughout the whole thing.  Even 3-4 miles in I was feeling heavy and just told myself to keep going until I got to the turn around.  Which I did, I got to a little after 5 and was heading back and was just so thirsty.  I'd been fighting with myself to not walk and then I let myself.

And once I walked, I couldn't get myself going again (which I know is what happens to me.)  I was so thirsty and I texted my friend who lives on the route back and asked if I could stop for water.  I tried to run a little and my legs felt terrible.  I told myself I would run again when I got some water because I was feeling really dehydrated.  I hadn't drank enough water before I started.  When I got the water I chugged a bottle and then my stomach felt terrible and I thought I was going to throw up so I walked some more.  And then when my stomach felt better, I tried to run again and my legs felt awful again, so I kept walking and I allowed myself to walk.  I pretty much walked the 5 miles home.

I'm bummed.  I'm a bit freaked out.  I know that of all the excuses I can come up with... my legs felt heavy, I didn't prepare, I didn't drink enough water, I ran 3 days in a row, etc. The main reason that I didn't run the way I wanted was because I gave up mentally.  I allowed myself to give up.  I've been feeling pretty down in general this week without a lot of mental strength.  Little things that normally wouldn't bother me were getting me upset.  I didn't have my normal pep or energy.  It's just been a down few days.

I am not proud of that.  And not proud of my run.  And now I don't get the frozen yogurt that was supposed to be my post run treat.  Blah.

At least the trees are starting to bloom?


  1. I know how this feels! It sucks. One time I planned to run 7, and it seemed like everything went wrong. I was too hot, no water and everything hurt. But don't beat yourself up! One time my friend told me that for every good run, there's a bad run. At least you were out there for 10 miles!! Sometimes I just listen to my body when it's resisting. :)

    1. Thanks Mal! I hope it was just today... :( In other news, you are inspiring me to want to clean!!!

  2. So I left this blog post up before I left for my race this morning because I was all gung-ho, and was going to post something really inspirational and happy, and positive. Like, HOLY SH*TBALLS, you just ran a MARATHON, don't be so hard on yourself, you've been on the road forever, you need some adjustment time, yadda yadda, you're going to be OKAY!

    Then I ran my 5k today. I was really excited, because I PR'd at my previous race on Easter weekend, and was really hoping to go sub-40, which is a HUGE deal for me because I've been working on a knee injury forever, and basically can't really run. (Although I pretend pretty hard core.)

    Yeah, no. That didn't happen.

    It was truly horrific (at least in my opinion.) The first half mile I was running a 10/min/mile pace and felt amazing. I ran five minutes staright and was bursting with pride over how well I've been taking care of myself and my PT going well, etc. Then I started experiencing a little asthma so I slowed down. (It was humid). Then I walked to catch my breath, which I couldn't seem to catch. THEN my shin pain kicked in. It hurt so bad I started whacking my leg on various objects along the trail. I tried to punch myself in the leg it hurt so bad. I basically walked the whole rest of the race, mixed in with a handful of light jogs as people who were way less athletic looking, or SUPER young (like 7yo) or SUPER old (like 80) passed me effortlessly, but I'd quickly have to stop. I even tried to take a time out and stretch, and no. That did not help. When I finally made it to the finish like (pissed), a car backed out of it's space and almost hit me. (I screamed bloody murder at it in full view of spectators and small children).

    All I thought as I ran over the finish line was SCREW THIS. I super gave up. I don't blame you for your feelings whatsoever. Sometimes you just gotta marinate in your BLAH-ness.

  3. I quit on my 10-mile run on Friday, 4/25. I was peeved about it and down on myself because I just quit. I didn't feel well, and my husband came and picked me up about mile 5. Then, the next week, ALL my runs felt great. It turns out it was just what I needed physically to reset as I head into my half marathons. So, be patient with yourself. I was anxious for a full week after, because I was in the spiral of if I quit on a 10-miler, why do I think I can do a half marathon? What was I thinking signing up for two in one month? But, with a full week, and a 12-mile run behind me, I can see the bigger picture and realize that physically I really needed that lower-mileage week. Since I'm posting so late in response to this, hopefully you're already past this. But, if not, then give yourself some time, and try to keep the bigger picture in mind.