I gave up on my run today. I feel pretty lame right now. I feel pretty disappointed in myself. And it's almost scary how easy it is to give up. It is scary. I could really easily just keep giving up. One run could become a lot of runs. And I'm trying really hard not to let my mind spiral out of control like that because right now it is just one run. But I gave up on my run today.
I had wanted to do 10 miles today. It wasn't a surprise, I was planning this for a while and I had it written on my training plan on my wall of my cubicle at work. It was part of my build up mileage plan leading up to the Tough Mudder at the end of May. I planned to do a 5-mile out and back run and I didn't feel very good throughout the whole thing. Even 3-4 miles in I was feeling heavy and just told myself to keep going until I got to the turn around. Which I did, I got to a little after 5 and was heading back and was just so thirsty. I'd been fighting with myself to not walk and then I let myself.
And once I walked, I couldn't get myself going again (which I know is what happens to me.) I was so thirsty and I texted my friend who lives on the route back and asked if I could stop for water. I tried to run a little and my legs felt terrible. I told myself I would run again when I got some water because I was feeling really dehydrated. I hadn't drank enough water before I started. When I got the water I chugged a bottle and then my stomach felt terrible and I thought I was going to throw up so I walked some more. And then when my stomach felt better, I tried to run again and my legs felt awful again, so I kept walking and I allowed myself to walk. I pretty much walked the 5 miles home.
I'm bummed. I'm a bit freaked out. I know that of all the excuses I can come up with... my legs felt heavy, I didn't prepare, I didn't drink enough water, I ran 3 days in a row, etc. The main reason that I didn't run the way I wanted was because I gave up mentally. I allowed myself to give up. I've been feeling pretty down in general this week without a lot of mental strength. Little things that normally wouldn't bother me were getting me upset. I didn't have my normal pep or energy. It's just been a down few days.
I am not proud of that. And not proud of my run. And now I don't get the frozen yogurt that was supposed to be my post run treat. Blah.
At least the trees are starting to bloom?