Tuesday, January 20, 2015


Want to know what I did not eat today?

I didn't eat those little Valentine's hearts that were outside someone's office where I had a meeting today.

I didn't eat anything from this bag of candy that was randomly brought to the conference room of a meeting I was it.  Or the tin of cookies.  And by the way, can I just point out again that this is good candy?  Okay?  Peanut butter cups?  M&Ms?  This isn't the rinky dink goods.

I didn't drink any alcohol at dinner.  Not even the glass of wine that I wanted.  I didn't eat the delicious smelling warm bread that was brought to our table at dinner when we sat down and didn't dip it in the olive oil with some cracked sea salt and pepper sprinkled on top.

I didn't start with a cup of the polenta soup (I don't even know what that is, but I wanted it.)  Or try the fried calamari that came out for an appetizer.  I didn't eat a hundred pieces of bruschetta like I wanted to, but had one piece with lots of fresh tomato on it.

I didn't eat all of the cheese and meat off the charcuterie board and eat it in bites with the fresh bread and olive oil.  Instead, I had a couple pieces of meat and a few small pieces of cheese.

I didn't order the pizzas that were on the menu.  Including the special of the day that had truffle oil, MY FAVORITE, along with panceta and rosemary on it.

I didn't get a pasta dish, including the ones where you could combine your favorite ingredients with their homemade sauces.  Or their house specialty that sounded deliciously mouthwatering.

I did get the scallops with fresh vegetables.  I did enjoy the meal and the company very much.  I did go over on my points again today.  But I am proud of myself for all that I did avoid.

The whole way to dinner I prepped mentally telling myself that it wasn't a special meal and that it wasn't something that I needed to eat as if it were my final meal.  It was an Italian restaurant, where there are surely other delicious Italian restaurants.  Yes, the warm bread is intoxicating, but it's warm bread and it will exist again in the world.  It almost threw me off when I smelled it, and I excused myself and went to the restroom (also because I had to go) and talked myself through it a little more.  And this all might sound incredibly dramatic and pathetic to you, because it's bread.  But it's really hard for me and it's what I needed to do.  It's a habit, compulsion, addiction, to eat the food that is in front of me and it feels wrong and uncomfortable - like I am not scratching an itch - to avoid it.

After dinner tonight I texted my friend in California to tell her how good I did at avoiding the foods and she took the words out of my mouth with her reply.  She said "Don't you feel like every time you say no to something you should instantly lose a pound?"

Yes.  I think that is true.  And with the willpower I displayed today, I better wake up with abs.

1 comment:

  1. This post was tortuours. If this is what you go through every time you go out, my heart dies for you a little each time you do, in support! I have noticed myself avoiding, avoiding, avoiding going out and this is exactly why. I LOVE all of these things. I know you can't avoid it because of work but good GOSH, it is no wonder you wouldn't gain weight or struggle with losing if these temptations are around you all the time. In fact, I'm shocked you are so healthy and trim if you have to confront this all the time! For me, one meal out makes my weight swing up 3 pounds for about a week- if I stay good that entire week and don't go out again. All the salt and fat really makes a negative impact on my body and it is so frustrating because food is wonderful and I love it.

    (huge pouty face)