Monday, January 4, 2016

Overwhelmed and feeling crappy

My grandfather told me over Christmas that he doesn't like when some of my posts are sad.  And in my rosy colored hindsight, I was all, "What are you talking about?! My posts aren't usually sad!"  But then as I started to draft in my head what I was going to write about, I thought, "Hm, I wonder if this is one of the sad ones he was talking about?" So, in that case, pre-warning, Grampy!!!

The past few days I have been feeling rather cranky. Since I got back to Atlanta, my runs have felt super sluggish, my pace has been dropping, my workouts have all been a struggle, and I just feel gross and not well.  I spent the majority of the weekend on the couch and the majority of the other time prepping and cooking food.

I've sort of chalked my grossness up to how disgustingly I was eating over the holidays.  I went into December really strong, telling myself that I was going to be the first person in the world to lose weight in the month of December.  And turns out, I did the exact opposite.  Which I am not necessarily beating myself up over, although much of my over-eating wasn't just indulging in the holiday dinners but full on binges, so that could have been avoided.

However, it's ridiculous how off I feel after just a couple weeks of eating poorly and dropping out of a regular run schedule.  I still was being pretty active, so it feels weird to me to have such drastic differences in how I feel during workouts be due to just 2-3 weeks.  But maybe that's all it takes.

On Sunday I went out on what was supposed to be an 8-mile run, and I ended up quitting at 6-miles.  I felt like crap.  I could barely get my legs moving and my breathing was heavy and I was going a slower pace than usual.  It was my first really cold run and my fingers were numb and I couldn't push myself through the last two miles.  When I hit 6, I started walking and had to walk/run the last 2 miles since I had done an out-and-back course.  I was pretty defeated and completely out of breathe and worn at the end of that run.   I felt like I needed to lay down and nap afterwards.

This morning I swam and it felt like such a struggle to move my body through the water, it was terrible.  I felt so awful.  And tonight I did yoga and all I could think was, "When did I get so weak?" I felt like I could barely hold myself in a downward dog during yoga.

Everyone is telling me to just give myself a little time to get back into a groove and I hope that's all it takes.

The other thing I am questioning with how gross I feel is my eating choices.  This weekend starting on Sunday I have been trying to eat according to the "Whole 30" methodology.  Although I do not think I am going to make it 30 days on the plan, I challenged myself to a week to see what effect it would have on me to get myself back on track after the holidays.  So far, the eating on the plan hasn't been too hard.  I've been making myself some really delicious meals.

"Whole 30" means no dairy, no added sugars (I am still eating fruit), no grains (this is wicked hard), no caffeine, no alcohol.  I am not saying it is not hard, because it is hard, and one of the biggest challenges is preparing food in advance that I can take with me.  Over the weekend when I was home all day I cold make myself snacks of kale chips and veggies, but going to work all day is a little more challenging.  I am having a hard time figuring out snacks to have.  I'm really trying hard to stick to it and not have any processed foods.

The other challenge is mentally because this diet is tending to be a lot higher in fat than I usually go, which is a little scary to me but I am hoping it works out and I lose weight and feel better.  However, right now I just FEEL LIKE CRAP.  I have been eating this way since Saturday so I have done 3 full days of no sugar beyond the fruits I have had.  And zero grains.  I am hoping I am going through some sort of hump in this diet plan and that I'll round a corner and start to feel a bit better.  But it is a little defeating because I decided to do a week on a stricter diet to try and feel better after eating so much junk food, yet now I am wondering if I feel like crap and grumpy because of the ways I am eating now?

Plus, I keep researching online and finding so many different things and differing meal plans that all promise the same results.  Some say eat potatoes.  Some say don't eat potatoes.  Some say eat cashews.  Some say don't eat cashews.  Some say it is okay to make "mock" foods like fake ice cream from fruit or avocado, some say stay away.  Whole 30 strictly forbids "mock" foods like ice cream, but I have been politely ignoring that and made myself some mock ice cream with frozen bananas, strawberries, avocado and 100% cocoa powder the past two nights.

I get what they are trying to do by telling you not to do it, but I feel like I need more food at the end of the night and I like having something that is a treat.  I know, I know, that's exactly what they want to break you away from... but a girl is only human!

It's also only Monday and I also see myself running out of all the food that I cooked over the weekend!  I literally feel like I cooked all weekend and now I'm like, "Wait, I am all out of that?!" So tomorrow I am going to run to the store and grab more protein to cook.

And the final little thing in my rant is that I am trying to break free of Weight Watchers.  I should probably write a whole post about this and my decision around it and I will.  However, right now I am just saying that it is a mental adjustment and a big change for me.  It makes me nervous and a bit anxious and I am still on the phone/e-mail with them every day asking for my money back.  I'm sure they are super busy signing up all the new people with it being prime diet time and also Oprah's commercials are so convincing.  But, I am trying to step back, which is a bit overwhelming for me since I have literally been following Weight Watchers since I was 16 years old.  That is 13 years!!

Anyways, it is Monday after a holiday.  An overwhelming day is to be expected and I'm hoping that my grumpiness is just a "holiday hangover," return to reality, and lack of sugar.  I also really, really hope that my workouts start to feel a teensy bit better.  That would be really lovely.

Happy Monday!


  1. I love the Whole30 mentality! I have never done a full 30 days (maybe we should try it at some point together this year, just not January because I can't give up alcohol this month #emotions), but I did it for 2 weeks consistently at the end of 2013, and that is what jump-started my clean-eating that I still maintain (for the most part) today! It totally changes your relationship with food and the way you think about eating. I even mentally modify my calorie tracking in MyFitnessPal.. e.g., if I eat an apple, I don't really count those calories the same as if I ate a handful of chips. I really do think it helps (and I am totally on the "healthy fat" bandwagon).

    Every day I wish I still had gchat .. so many insights to offer lol

  2. Sooo I've never done Whole30 and I don't know the entire program, but if you've greatly decreased the carbs you consume, you'll probably feel like crap for 4 or 5 days. One of my ex's did the keto diet to lose weight, and part of all his research that he shared with me is that the first 5 days of low/no carb are usually really hard for people because your body is used to having carbs as a quick burning fuel source, and has to adapt to draw from slow-burning fuels. It takes a lot more work for your body to derive energy from complex carbs and protein than from simple carbs, so people usually feel very lethargic and get "carb flu" for a few days at the outset. After that it should get easier! (Or at least that's what I've heard...)

    And the deal with potatoes is that white potatoes are fine to eat and can be very nutritious, but they are high-glycemic so they spike your blood sugar and insulin levels and can cause you to have sugar cravings after eating them. Interestingly this doesn't happen with sweet potatoes, but yeah, I think that's where the "potatoes are bad" reasoning comes from. A lot of people will say the same thing about peas and some other veggies/legumes. You could totally still have potatoes pre-workout...they'd actually be really good fuel both in carbs and protein!