Why this is such a big deal.

I've been writing about, and talking about this half marathon for months now.  Not just here, but in real life too.  With my co-workers, with my friends, with my family, with strangers I meet.  Literally, everyone.  I told you the other day I told the lady who was giving me a pedicure!

Running this race has become a bigger deal to me than when I started out this process.  When I first decided about doing a half marathon in 2013, I thought it would just be for fun and was roping in a few friends to make a weekend trip out of it.  When they all ended up being unsure of whether or not they could go, I decided I still wanted to run a half.  And when I chose and signed up for this race, I thought I would be traveling to Nashville with my boyfriend and having a fun long weekend away.  In both these scenarios, when I both mentally made the decision to do a half marathon and when I actually took the step to sign up -- it wasn't just about the race.  It was about an experience with friends, doing something fun, and sharing in the memory of seeing a new city with people I cared about.

Well, when my friends all finally told me that they wouldn't be able to do the race, and when things fell apart between my boyfriend and I, things started to change mentally for me a bit.  Rather than this being  a weekend away in a new city, with a half marathon as a fun excuse for the trip, it became a challenge for me.

You may have guessed it from my blog and my willingness to do silly things, my love of hosting parties, and my general all around openness about sharing who I am... but I am an extrovert.  To the fullest.  A 100% textbook "Expresser" if we were to go by the Interaction Style Guide personality types.  Although I am fully comfortable doing things on my own and am incredibly independent, I very much enjoy the company of others.

Doing this half marathon on my own became a new challenge for me.  Yes, it would be incredibly amazing to see a familiar face cheering for me along the route or waiting for me at the finish line on Saturday.  Of course it would.  Yes, I would love to have someone to go to a celebratory dinner with that night.  Who wouldn't?

But I am going to achieve this on my own.  And I know I have a fan club of people who love me all over the country and world (hi Lama!) cheering me on throughout this race.  I know that I am one of the luckiest girls in the world with the amount of love and support I have in my life for all that I do.  And hopefully after Saturday, I will KNOW that I can accomplish this on my own.  With nobody else for support day of.  Nobody but myself giving me a pep talk before the gun goes off.  Only my two legs and my mind to push myself through.  However, I must say, that I am completely and totally thrilled that I learned I will know another friend and runner who will be at the race as well.  She is a veteran half-marathoner and I am excited to be able to spend time with her!

Another reason why this is such a big deal for me is that three years ago, I couldn't run a 5K.  Literally three years ago in April I was working on the "Couch to 5K" program.  I ran my first full length 5K without stopping in June 2010.  Running a half marathon wasn't even something that was on my radar. It never was.  I have never been a runner.  I have never pushed myself like I have with this training.  Frankly, I never had this faith in myself.  I have never even thought that I could do this.  I want to prove myself wrong so badly.  I want to show every one of you reading this blog that things you can't do something -- YOU CAN. I want to prove that to myself and to you.  I am so anxious and excited for the race on Saturday.  And really scared.  I'm scared I won't meet the goal I have for myself.  That I'll be disappointed.  I put a lot of pressure on myself to reach the goals I set for myself.  And always right before I set out to do something I always think, "Aw crap, I wish I hadn't told so many people about this in case I fail."

Today I ran 2 miles then spent a lot of time stretching, foam rolling, working on my playlist, and relaxing.  I am going to spend the next few days trying to push these anxious and negative thoughts out of my mind.  Only room for positivity here!!